**LMAO, Red Lobster in Tallahassee Finally Shuttered After the Great Endless Shrimp-Gate of '23, and Honestly, Who Didn't See This Coming?** 📉

LMAO, Red Lobster in Tallahassee finally shuttered after the Great Endless Shrimp-gate of ‘23, and honestly, who didn’t see this coming? 📉

The TL;DR: Some local manager posted on NextDoor that they’re “closing for deep cleaning” after a mysterious “economic crustacean event.” My guy, that’s just corporate speak for “we ran out of cheddar bay biscuits to emotionally support the staff.”

AITA for laughing? The real victim here isn’t the landlord or the 40 minimum-wage employees who now have to explain to their kids why they can’t afford the $15.99 “Ultimate Feast” (which was never ultimate and always a feast of disappointment). No, the true tragedy is the 47 half-eaten plates of “Maple-Glazed Salmon” that are now left to fester in the walk-in cooler, slowly evolving into sentient life forms.

The final blow? A leaked Yelp review from a Karen who said the “atmosphere was too fishy.” Bro, you’re at Red Lobster. What did you expect, a fragrance of Chanel No. 5 and corporate synergy? The restaurant literally smells like the Ghost of Seafoods Past and a broken dishwasher.

Corporate Response (probably): “We are committed to restructuring our portfolio and optimizing our asset footprint to better serve our guests in the digital age.” Translation: “We lost $20 million on shrimp and now we’re going to sell the building to a vape shop.”

Moral of the story: Never trust a restaurant that treats you to unlimited shrimp, because in the end, the only thing unlimited is the debt. 🦐💀