*STATUS: EYES ONLY // BURN AFTER READING*

STATUS: EYES ONLY // BURN AFTER READING

CLASSIFIED: The “Patriotic Kenny” Anomaly

Source: Deep cover, Level 7 clearance

We have a live one. The subject, codenamed “Kenny,” has been flagged. Routine surveillance picked up an impossible pattern. Every time he dies, he doesn’t reset. He respawns wearing a flag pin that wasn’t there before.

His financials? Clean. His socials? Deleted. The last time he “kicked the bucket,” we caught a snippet of a conversation over a dead mic. He wasn’t panicking. He was humming “The Star-Spangled Banner.” We think he’s not a man. He’s a system patch.

The rumor is that he’s a secret failsafe. If the algorithm detects a critical failure—a loss of “national spirit”—it injects him. He’s not patriotic for show. He’s programed to make you believe again. We tracked his last known location. He was last seen at a flag burning. Before anyone could react, the flames turned white. Then he was gone.

Officially? He doesn’t exist. We’re told to ignore the glitch. But if you see a man in an orange parka with a glint in his eye and a flag on his chest… don’t die next to him.

The system is watching. And it’s learning.