**NEWS FLASH – PATRIOTIC KENNY REMOVES AMERICAN FLAG FROM FRONT PORCH AFTER HOMEOWNERS’ ASSOCIATION THREATENS FINE, CITING “EXCESSIVE DISPLAY”**

NEWS FLASH – PATRIOTIC KENNY REMOVES AMERICAN FLAG FROM FRONT PORCH AFTER HOMEOWNERS’ ASSOCIATION THREATENS FINE, CITING “EXCESSIVE DISPLAY”

ROSEWOOD ESTATES, OH – In a move that has the entire community divided, local resident and self-proclaimed “super patriot” Kenny “Stars & Stripes” Miller has been forced to take down the massive, 15-foot American flag he’d flown from his porch since 2018. The culprit? Not a foreign adversary, but the Willow Creek Homeowners’ Association.

The HOA sent Kenny a formal warning last Tuesday, claiming the flag’s size violates a bylaw against “dominant or oversized political or patriotic displays that obstruct the view of neighboring properties.” Kenny, 47, responded by attaching a floodlight to the flagpole and playing “God Bless the U.S.A.” on a Bluetooth speaker for three days straight.

“Common sense tells me that when you live in the land of the free, you shouldn’t need a permit to fly Old Glory,” Kenny told reporters from his lawn chair, still clutching a can of domestic light beer. “If this flag makes you mad, maybe you’re the one who needs to move.”

The resulting Facebook war has been epic. Comments range from “Respect the troops, Kenny!” to “My HOA fined me for having a gnome in a bikini last spring, so this tracks.” A petition to “Let Kenny Fly” has gained 300 signatures, while a counter-petition for “Peace and Quiet” has 280. One neighbor posted a photo of their own tiny garden flag—featuring a grumpy cat wearing an Uncle Sam hat—with the caption: “This is the flag America deserves.”

Kenny says he’s planning to install a larger, illuminated flag at the end of his driveway next week