**BREAKING: International Crisis Averted as Global Leaders Finally Agree to Stop Pronouncing "Pare" Like "Pair"**

BREAKING: International Crisis Averted as Global Leaders Finally Agree to Stop Pronouncing “Pare” Like “Pair”

Geneva, Switzerland — In a landmark summit that no one asked for, world leaders have officially signed the “Geneva Accord on Pare,” settling the centuries-old debate over whether “pare” (as in “pare down expenses”) sounds anything like the fruit “pear.” The agreement comes after a tense standoff at the UN General Assembly where the French delegation threatened to veto the entire global budget unless English speakers stopped saying “I need to pair my grocery list.”

“It’s ‘pare,’ like ‘air’ with a ‘p,’” declared a visibly exhausted French Ambassador, clutching a glass of water. “You are not trimming a fruit. You are trimming a budget. Please. For my family.”

The irony, historians note, is that the entire conflict was triggered when a viral TikTok of a man trying to “pair an apple” sent the internet into a pronunciation spiral last Tuesday. The word’s sudden surge in usage—mostly by people trimming avocado toast budgets—has led to a 4,000% increase in Google searches for “how to say pare without sounding hungry.”

In a surprising twist, the accord included a secret addendum: from now on, all uses of “pare” in official documents must be accompanied by a footnote: “(Not the fruit).” The stock market barely reacted, but avocado futures plummeted.