**LOCAL MAN DISCOVERS HIDDEN TIME CAPSULE in MOUNTAIN DEW WHITE OUT BOTTLE**

LOCAL MAN DISCOVERS HIDDEN TIME CAPSULE IN MOUNTAIN DEW WHITE OUT BOTTLE

Bismarck, ND – A glitch in the matrix has been identified by amateur cryptographer and truck stop enthusiast, Dale Hopkins, 34, who claims he has found a “repeating temporal anomaly” embedded in the barcode of a Mountain Dew White Out bottle.

While cleaning out his 1998 Ford Ranger, Hopkins noticed the usual 12-digit barcode on an empty bottle did not scan as a drink. Instead, it decoded into a series of numbers that perfectly matched the final play-by-play of the 2011 NFC Championship Game—the very game White Out was originally promoted for.

“The machine kept saying ‘Item not found,’” Hopkins said. “Then I typed the code manually. It spelled out: ‘BEARS_FUMBLE._PACKERS_WIN._TIME_LOOP_INITIATED.’ I haven’t slept in 48 hours.”

Further investigation revealed a string of white text hidden in the drink’s signature “white-out” ice crystals printed on the label. When magnified, the text reads: “This flavor does not exist in this timeline. You are not supposed to remember this.”

A spokesperson from PepsiCo declined to comment, but an anonymous lab tech said the recipe for White Out may have been sourced from a parallel dimension in 2007, when lime-citrus flavors were considered “future-code.”

“This isn’t a drink. It’s a cross-dimensional artifact,” Hopkins concluded. “Every time you taste it, you’re overriding the base reality.”