**BROOKLYN, NY – In a Move That Has Absolutely *No One* Shocked, PepsiCo Has Announced That Mountain Dew White Out, the Nectar of the Gods That Fueled a Generation of Basement-Dwelling LAN Party Champions, Is Being Discontinued. AGAIN.**

BROOKLYN, NY – In a move that has absolutely no one shocked, PepsiCo has announced that Mountain Dew White Out, the nectar of the gods that fueled a generation of basement-dwelling LAN party champions, is being discontinued. AGAIN.

AITA for thinking this is a calculated ploy to drive up eBay scalper prices so they can rerelease it in a “vault” edition for $40 a can next year?

TL;DR: Pepsi kills beloved soda. Fans riot. Scalpers rejoice. We all pretend to be shocked.

The official statement from the company was a masterpiece of corporate double-speak, reading: “After careful consideration of our robust portfolio of flavors that absolutely nobody asked for (looking at you, Major Melon), we’ve decided to give White Out the same treatment as your dad’s hopes and dreams. Gone, but conveniently ‘remembered’ just in time for a limited, overpriced re-release.”

Initial reports indicate that the entire remaining stock of White Out was purchased by a single algorithmic bot in a data center in Ohio, causing the price of a single 12-pack on Amazon to skyrocket to approximately the GDP of a small island nation. Fans are left to mourn with nothing but the faint, chemically-tinged memory of a better time, and a mouth full of the aggressively mediocre “Mountain Dew: Infinite Swirl” they’re pushing now. Truly, 2024 is the darkest timeline. Delete your Facebook, lawyers, and hit the gym.