**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MIFFY DECLARES WAR ON STARBUCKS; DRONE STRIKES ALLEGEDLY INVOLVING FRAUDULENT CROISSANTS

Global – In a geopolitical maneuver that has baffled economists and comforted toddlers, the beloved Dutch cartoon bunny Miffy (Nijntje) has officially declared an economic embargo on Starbucks. The move comes after a viral TikTok exposed what experts are calling the “Venti Betrayal of 2025”—a production error wherein Starbucks’ licensed merchandise depicts Miffy holding a cup of coffee that is, according to forensic meme analysis, exactly 2.4 times the size of her head.

“This is not a cuddle. This is an affront to the sacred ratio of rabbit-to-beverage,” read a statement from Mercis B.V., Miffy’s licensing agency, delivered via a single, stark white carrier pigeon. “Miffy does not drink coffee. Miffy drinks imaginary milk from a daisy. This blatant commodification of her silhouette for the pursuit of lukewarm Frappuccinos is the final straw. We are recalling all plushies and activating ‘Operation Tiny Stampede.’”

The internet, predictably, has lost its collective mind. Economists are now tracking the “Miffy-Bucks Correlation,” noting that the dip in Starbucks stock coincided exactly with a surge in memes depicting the bunny looking judgmentally at a decaf soy latte. “She’s not cute right now. She’s a war criminal with a red bow,” wrote user @LatteJusitce on X. The irony is thick enough to spread on a scone: the ultra-wholesome, minimalist bunny—a symbol of pure childhood simplicity—is now the face of corporate protest, fighting the power that tried to shill a $30 ceramic mug of her face