**Headline: "THE MASSIE MANDATE: How a Single Teacher’s 'No-Cellphone' Policy Is Being Branded a 'Slippery Slope to Tyranny' by Outraged Parents"**

Headline: “THE MASSIE MANDATE: How a Single Teacher’s ‘No-Cellphone’ Policy Is Being Branded a ‘Slippery Slope to Tyranny’ by Outraged Parents”

BYLINE: Moral Decay Correspondent

BODY:

DEARBORN, MI — In what critics are calling the most dangerous educational experiment since the darning needle, third-grade teacher Linda Massie has sparked a national firestorm by banning smartphones from her classroom.

The “Massie Primary” policy, which requires students to place devices in a locked safe during lessons, has been celebrated by parenting blogs as a return to old-fashioned attention spans. However, a vocal coalition of “Digital Rights” parents and self-described “Liberty Advocates” is crying foul, labeling the move a “totalitarian overreach” that strips children of their “constitutional right to constant connectivity.”

“First, it’s the phones, then it’s the books, then it’s the critical thinking,” fumed Karen Tolliver, whose son, Brayden, was caught trying to livestream the Pledge of Allegiance. “My child’s emotional stability depends on his ability to refresh TikTok during long division. By forcing him to actually look at a human being, Ms. Massie is dismantling the very fabric of our social contract.”

The debate reached a fever pitch this week when a school board meeting devolved into a shouting match over the “slippery slope” of analog living. One parent, who identified only as “FreeThinker247,” argued that eliminating screens would “normalize boredom,” a state he described as “the gateway drug to manual labor.”

“Where does it end?” he bellowed, clutching a tablet. “Next, they’ll be asking our children to read physical maps. Or, God forbid, handwrite a thank-you note. We are witnessing the slow death