**BREAKING: Mark Cuban Accidentally Starts a Cult at Costco After Trying to Buy in Bulk**

BREAKING: Mark Cuban Accidentally Starts a Cult at Costco After Trying to Buy in Bulk

DALLAS, TX – Billionaire investor and Shark Tank mainstay Mark Cuban is officially trending after a routine trip to a Dallas-area Costco unintentionally spiraled into what sociologists are calling “the most aggressively capitalist spiritual movement of the 21st century.”

It all started when Cuban, frustrated by the rising price of rotisserie chickens, attempted to buy 500 cases of Kirkland brand sweatpants “just to negotiate a lower per-unit price.” Eyewitnesses report that when an employee told him it was against store policy to haggle, Cuban turned to the crowd and muttered, “I don’t make offers I can’t take.”

Within minutes, 47 suburban dads formed a human shield around him, chanting “Equity over Eggs” and insisting that the secret to the afterlife is a diversified 401(k). The movement, dubbed the “Yoga Pants Rebellion,” is now demanding that the Federal Reserve lower interest rates specifically so they can afford bulk-sized jars of mayonnaise.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Cuban told reporters while awkwardly holding a 55-gallon drum of olive oil. “I just wanted a good deal on snacks for Mavs game. Now I’ve got a legion of dads in New Balances who think the only sin is paying retail.”

Why this is trending: Because the internet loves watching a man who could buy the country accidentally become the messiah of mid-life crisis frugality. The irony? Cuban, the ultimate shark, is now being chased by a school of minnows demanding he teach them how to short squeeze the price of toilet paper.