**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

“THE END OF THE OFFICE, AS ORDERED BY THE ORACLE”: Marc Benioff Declares Salesforce Will Be 100% Autonomous by 2035 – Human Employees Offered “Buyout to the Metaverse”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – In a stunning, 30-minute livestream that crashed Slack and X simultaneously, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff today unveiled what he called “The Great Awakening 2.0,” a radical restructuring that will see the $250 billion CRM giant transition to a fully autonomous enterprise within the next decade.

“The 9-to-5 is a myth. The office is a tax. The human is a bottleneck,” Benioff said, standing in front of a holographic globe projected in his empty, 50th-floor corner office at Salesforce Tower. “By 2035, every single deal, every single customer interaction, and every single line of code at Salesforce will be managed by a proprietary, ethical multi-agent AI system called ‘Einstein 10x.’ You’ve heard of Agentic AI. This is Agentic Civilization.”

The viral moment came when Benioff announced the “Digital Exit Package”—a buyout offering every human employee a three-year, full-salary golden parachute if they agree to transition their “work personas” into a private, company-operated metaverse called “Ohana-verse 2.0.”

“Why come to the office when you can be the office?” Benioff asked. “We’re not firing anyone. We’re liberating them. Your avatar will handle your meetings; the real you can go surf. Or save the rainforest. Or, you know, do whatever it is humans do when they don’t have to attend a QBR.”

Wall Street initially tanked the stock 8% before a frenzy of algorithmic trading bots—trained on Benioff