**MARC BENIOFF ANNOUNCES PLANS to ‘ETHICALLY LICENSE’ HUMAN EMOTIONS for AI WORKFORCE – DECLARES ‘EMPATHY IS the NEW OIL’**

MARC BENIOFF ANNOUNCES PLANS TO ‘ETHICALLY LICENSE’ HUMAN EMOTIONS FOR AI WORKFORCE – DECLARES ‘EMPATHY IS THE NEW OIL’

In a press conference that has sent shockwaves through the halls of Silicon Valley and drawn condemnation from the Vatican, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff unveiled his latest venture: SalesforceSentience, a subsidiary designed to “harvest, license, and monetize ethical emotional labor” for use in generative AI models.

Benioff, standing before a screen that displayed a glowing, pulsating human heart wired to a computer, declared: “Empathy is the new oil, and it is our moral imperative to extract it with care. We will pay Americans a ‘Living Wage of Soul’—starting at $15 an hour—to feel genuine joy, sorrow, and moral outrage into a neural recorder. These data points will train AI to be ‘compassionate without the mess of humanity.’”

The plan, which will roll out in select San Francisco cubicle gardens next month, requires participants to sign a binding “Emotional EULA” that grants Salesforce exclusive, perpetual rights to their nervous system’s output. Critics are already decrying the move as the final abdication of human dignity.

“We are witnessing the end of privacy of the soul,” warned Dr. Helena Voss, a moral philosopher at Princeton. “Benioff doesn’t just want your data. He wants your righteousness. He is building a machine that can simulate a conscience, so that the real ones—the messy, unpredictable, inconvenient ones—become obsolete. This is the downfall of society not by tyranny, but by benevolent subscription fee.”

The internet has erupted. #BoycottBenioff is trending, alongside counter-fan accounts praising the “Empathy-as-a-Service” model as a solution to the mental health crisis. Meanwhile, Benioff doubled down on