**BREAKING: THE MANGIONE GLITCH—CIA SATELLITE DATA SHOWS "LUIGI" APPARENTLY EXISTING in TWO CONTINENTS at ONCE**

BREAKING: THE MANGIONE GLITCH—CIA SATELLITE DATA SHOWS “LUIGI” APPARENTLY EXISTING IN TWO CONTINENTS AT ONCE

Washington D.C. — A team of independent data analysts claims to have uncovered what they are calling a “statistical singularity” involving former hedge fund quant Luigi Mangione, 34.

According to declassified infrared telemetry logs reviewed by this outlet, Mangione’s biometric signature was simultaneously recorded at a coffee shop in Palermo, Italy, and a parking garage in Arlington, Virginia, at exactly 14:32:17 GMT yesterday.

“This isn’t a twin. This isn’t a glitch in the facial recognition model,” said Dr. Elena Vance, a former NSA cryptanalyst now working with the civilian watchdog group Digital Pareidolia. “The subdermal thermal variance between the two signatures is less than 0.02 degrees. Statistically, you have a better chance of flipping a coin and having it land on its edge 47 times in a row.”

The anomaly was discovered during a routine cross-referencing of a global “hot list” for financial crimes. Mangione, who has no known criminal record, was flagged after his social security number was used to purchase a single black coffee in Italy while his LinkedIn profile showed him “active” on a VPN in Virginia.

“But here’s the part that breaks the model,” says Vance. “The Italian receipt was paid for with a physical American Express card. The Virginia ping came from a smartwatch that uploaded a heart rate of exactly—and I mean exactly—66.6 BPM. That signature matches Luigi Mangione’s 2018 physical from a gym in Tribeca.”

The Department of Homeland Security has refused to comment. Mangione’s lawyer claims his client has “never left the country.”

A growing number of amateur sleuths are now calling the case “The BPM Incident