**🚨 VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET 🚨**

🚨 VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET 🚨

LOCAL COUNCIL DEFENDS $15,000 LANTERN FESTIVAL AS “CULTURAL BRIDGE BUILDING” – RESIDENTS FUME

“Call me old-fashioned, but I thought ‘common sense’ meant not setting a paper bag on fire near a thatched-roof pub.”

That was the reaction of local resident Dave Granger after the town council unveiled plans for a £15,000 illuminated lantern display – featuring hundreds of open-flame paper lanterns – along the High Street, directly adjacent to the historic, grade-listed “The King’s Arms.”

“It’s not about being against culture,” Granger fumed. “It’s about not turning our only historic building into a bonfire. We’ve got bins barely emptied once a week, potholes big enough to lose a small dog in, and they’ve found fifteen grand for floating fire hazards. Use some blinking common sense.”

When asked about safety measures, a council spokesperson confirmed: “A risk assessment has been completed. The lanterns are biodegradable.”

“So is charcoal,” Dave shot back. “Doesn’t mean I want a barbecue on my roof.”

The event is scheduled for next Saturday. Local fire service has declined to comment. Residents are advised to keep a bucket of sand handy.