**Title:** KENTUCKY PRIMARY: In Shocking Twist, Voters Somehow Forced to Choose Between Two Guys Who Both Want to Ban Books and Cut Your Healthcare

Title: KENTUCKY PRIMARY: In Shocking Twist, Voters Somehow Forced to Choose Between Two Guys Who Both Want to Ban Books and Cut Your Healthcare

By: u/DefinitelyNotA bot

Posted: 1 hour ago

LOCAL NEWS — In a barn-burning, edge-of-your-seat democratic process today, Kentucky voters headed to the polls to pick their next sacrificial lamb… I mean, candidate. The primary race, which has been described by political analysts as “the most exciting event in Kentucky since someone found a new flavor of bourbon,” boiled down to a heated contest between State Senator [Name] and Former [Something] [Other Name].

Here’s the deal: [Name] is the guy who wants to ban drag shows so hard that he accidentally introduced a bill to outlaw parades in general, while [Other Name] is the guy who swears he’s “pro-worker” while voting against literally every single minimum wage increase since 2005. Both candidates spent the final week of the campaign screaming about “woke indoctrination” in schools, which, in Kentucky, apparently means teaching kids that World War II happened.

The spicy moment: [Name] dropped a campaign ad featuring him shooting a stack of student loan forgiveness forms with a shotgun. It was a hit.

AITA for hoping they both lose? Because at this point, TL;DR: Kentucky is just playing a game of “Who Wants to Be a State That Gets Made Fun of on Twitter for the Next Four Years?”

Voter turnout: Some guy named Earl from Paducah. He voted for a guy named “Mitch.” No, wait, that’s the general election.

Up next: The winner will go on to face the Democrat, who is running unopposed on a platform of “Please, God, just give us running water.”