**KY PRIMARY CHAOS: LANDSLIDE WINNER LEADS WITH 0% of VOTE, OUTRAGED MORAL CRITICS SAY "CIVILIZATION HAS COLLAPSED"**

KY PRIMARY CHAOS: LANDSLIDE WINNER LEADS WITH 0% OF VOTE, OUTRAGED MORAL CRITICS SAY “CIVILIZATION HAS COLLAPSED”

Harlan County, KY — In a stunning election night that has left pundits and pastors alike speechless, the Kentucky Republican primary has officially been called for a candidate who received zero votes. According to final tallies, write-in candidate “None of the Above” defeated incumbent Rep. Hal Rogers, 100% to 0%, after a coordinated protest by voters who physically refused to touch the voting machines, citing “digital Sodom and Gomorrah.”

The victor, a ghost, will not take office. The state is now legally obligated to hold a second primary between a jar of moonshine and a cardboard cutout of Abraham Lincoln.

THE MORAL CRISIS: Dr. Evelyn Marsh, a noted ethicist and self-described “guardian of civic virtue,” declared the event “the final nail in the coffin of the American republic.”

“This is what happens when a society abandons the sacred covenant of the vote,” Dr. Marsh thundered from a podium set up in a flooded parking lot. “When men would rather elect a void than a flawed human, we have not simply lost an election—we have lost our souls. We are now a nation of nihilists who prefer the silence of non-existence to the awkward compromise of democracy.”

THE DOWNFALL OF SOCIETY ANGLE: Local churches have reported a 500% spike in attendance for “anti-democracy prayer vigils,” where congregants pray for the return of “godly governance.” One parishioner was overheard saying, “If we elect nothing, we become nothing. We are begging for a king.”

Viral Takeaway: While officials scramble to certify the “Void,” social media is abl