**Breaking: KENTUCKY PRIMARY MELTDOWN – Poll Worker Screams “COMMON SENSE” After Voter Shows Up With AR-15 to Vote on Dog’s Name**

Breaking: KENTUCKY PRIMARY MELTDOWN – Poll Worker Screams “COMMON SENSE” After Voter Shows Up With AR-15 to Vote on Dog’s Name

Pikeville, KY – Chaos erupted at a rural Kentucky polling station this morning when 58-year-old local resident and self-proclaimed “Constitutional Sheriff” Dale Rayburn attempted to register his German Shepherd, “Justice,” to vote in the Republican primary.

“I’ve had it with this nonsense,” fumed Linda Mae Crenshaw, 63, a retired lunch lady who was manning the sign-in table. “Dale rolls up with his dog wearing a ‘Don’t Tread on Me’ bandana, hands me a treat bag as a form of ID, and expects his mutt to pull the lever for the guy who can name the most counties. It’s just common sense – a dog can’t write in ‘Ted Nugent’ on a ballot!”

Witnesses say the situation escalated when Rayburn produced an AR-15 slung over his shoulder, claiming it was Justice’s “emotional support firearm.” Crenshaw reportedly grabbed the precinct’s copy of the state constitution and shouted, “It CLEARLY says ‘persons,’ not ‘good boys’!” before unplugging the electronic voting machine.

The standoff ended when Justice ran off chasing a squirrel, taking the candidates’ sample ballots with him. “See?” Crenshaw declared to a crowd of bewildered voters. “That’s what happens when you abandon common sense. Now his vote is worth exactly as much as his dog’s – zero.”

Local officials have now launched an investigation into whether “Justice” was actually a registered lobbyist. The primary has been delayed until they can find a poll worker with more patience.