**FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE**

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE ISSUES “UNCATEGORIZED” HEAT ADVISORY AFTER THERMOMETERS LITERALLY MELT

LOCAL, USA – The National Weather Service is scrambling for answers today after what began as a routine “Excessive Heat Warning” for the tri-county area escalated into what officials are calling a “Category 5 Anomaly.”

At 2:14 PM EST, the mercury at the downtown meteorological station did not simply rise—it vanished.

“We calibrate these instruments to withstand up to 140 degrees Fahrenheit,” said lead meteorologist Dr. Anya Sharma, visibly shaken. “At 2:13, we recorded 118°F. At 2:14, the instrument returned a reading of ‘glitch’ followed by the letters ‘LOL’ in binary code. Then the physical column of mercury in the back-up thermometer reversed direction and started flowing upward against gravity before sublimating into a violet gas.”

Local residents are reporting bizarre side effects. “I went to check my mail,” said Harold Finch of Elm Street. “The air felt like a hair dryer, but the flag on my mailbox was covered in frost. And the ice in my lemonade? It’s all shaped like perfect little stars.”

Social media exploded with videos of shimmering heat mirages that appear to be playing looping episodes of “The Twilight Zone.” Police have cordoned off the city park after the sprinkler system began spraying hot, black coffee.

“We are advising citizens to stay indoors, hydrate, and avoid looking directly at their digital clocks,” a flustered city official announced, pausing to watch his wristwatch hands spin counter-clockwise. “The heat advisory is now classified as a ‘Viral Matrix Anomaly.’ We don’t know what’s generating it, but if you see your shadow multiply by three, shelter immediately.”

The mysterious heat wave has even thrown the