**Title:** HBO’s New Harry Potter Reboot Casts Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Hermione, and the Fandom Is *Totally* Chill About It

Title: HBO’s New Harry Potter Reboot Casts Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson as Hermione, and the Fandom is Totally Chill About It

Body:

In what experts are calling a “bold, trauma-informed reimagining,” HBO has announced the full cast for their upcoming Harry Potter TV series, and let’s just say J.K. Rowling’s Twitter mentions are about to hit DEFCON 1.

The headlines are absolutely bangers: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has been cast as Hermione Granger. Yes, the 6’5”, 260-pound, eyebrow-cocking deity of cinematic over-saturation will be playing a 12-year-old bookworm. “We wanted to subvert expectations,” said showrunner Francesca Gardiner in a press release. “Hermione has always been the smartest person in the room. Who better to embody that than a man who can smell what The Chosen One is cooking?”

But wait, there’s more. Pete Davidson will play a chronically depressed, chain-smoking Hagrid. “He already looks like he’s seen some dementors,” an insider whispered. Ron Weasley will be played by Timothée Chalamet, but only if he agrees to dye his hair Cheeto-orange and whisper every line like he’s about to cry over a bag of chips.

And in the role of Professor Severus Snape? You guessed it: a fully-CGI Jar Jar Binks. “He always had the right energy for a greasy, emotionally-stunted incel. Plus, the CGI budget was already blowing up for the Rock’s hairline,” a source confirmed.

Fans are taking this news with the necessary grace of a Reddit comment section. A mass petition titled “Just let the franchise die already” has already hit 2 million signatures.

TL;DR: HBO remakes Harry Potter, casts The Rock as