**HOLLYWOOD, CA –** in a Move That Has Simultaneously Broken the Internet and Every Sorting Hat’s Heart, HBO Has Announced the Entire Cast for Its Upcoming *Harry Potter* TV Series—a Cast Comprised Exclusively of AI-Generated Deepfakes of the Original Actors, Except They’re All Voiced by James Earl Jones.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – In a move that has simultaneously broken the internet and every Sorting Hat’s heart, HBO has announced the entire cast for its upcoming Harry Potter TV series—a cast comprised exclusively of AI-generated deepfakes of the original actors, except they’re all voiced by James Earl Jones.

The only catch? Ron Weasley is now played by Timothée Chalamet, but he must perform every scene while aggressively eating a sandwich. Meanwhile, Professor Snape has been recast as an emotionally available therapist who calls Harry “sweetie.”

Fans are divided: Half are furious that Dumbledore is now a CGI corgi named “Sir Barks-a-Lot,” while the other half are just relieved that Hermione’s new actress only has to recite lines from The Art of the Deal because “it’s more relevant to modern wizardry.”

Warner Bros. insists this is “the most loyal adaptation yet,” adding, “We’ve preserved the original magic by changing literally everything except the fact that Harry still says ‘Bloody hell’ at least once per episode, which we’ve re-recorded using a 2012 Siri.”

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