**BREAKING: WOKE WIZARDING WORLD? Warner Bros. Confirms Harry Potter TV Recast—But Only if Characters "Repent for Their Privilege"**

BREAKING: WOKE WIZARDING WORLD? Warner Bros. Confirms Harry Potter TV Recast—But Only If Characters “Repent for Their Privilege”

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the fandom, Warner Bros. has confirmed the rumored Harry Potter TV series will feature a “radical reimagining” of the beloved characters—and the casting call is unlike anything J.K. Rowling ever imagined.

According to a leaked internal memo obtained by our sources, the new show, tentatively titled “Hogwarts: A Legacy Reckoning,” will require ALL actors to sign a mandatory “Sensitivity & Equity Pledge.” The catch? Each character must undergo a “canonical accountability arc.”

The bombshell:

• Harry Potter will be recast as a gender-fluid non-binary person of color, and his first scene involves apologizing to Voldemort for “systemic oppression of the dark arts community.”
• Hermione Granger, originally played by Emma Watson, will now be played by a white actress who must openly condemn “Muggle supremacy” and surrender her wand to a house elf for “reparative justice.”
• Ron Weasley will be recast as a “trauma-informed” character whose iconic line “Bloody hell!” is replaced with a trigger warning for the audience.

But the real viral twist? Sources say the show’s “Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion consultant” is a former Warner Bros. HR manager who once argued that the Sorting Hat was a “racist AI tool.” The consultant’s leaked notes suggest that Slytherin House will be abolished because “green is the color of toxic envy and capitalism,” while Gryffindor will be demoted to a “safe space for performative bravery.”

Oh, and Professor Snape? He’ll now be played