**BREAKING: Take-Two CEO Confirms GTA 6 Will Cost Your Soul, Your Firstborn, and Exactly $69.69**

BREAKING: Take-Two CEO Confirms GTA 6 Will Cost Your Soul, Your Firstborn, and Exactly $69.69

Los Santos, Online — In a move that has sent shockwaves through the global economy, Take-Two Interactive has officially announced that Grand Theft Auto VI will retail for a crisp “three fiddy” — but only if you buy the digital deluxe “Trevor Phillips Enterprises” edition that includes a limited-edition virtual E-Cola stain.

In a press conference that felt more like a hostage negotiation, CEO Strauss Zelnick explained the pricing strategy: “We looked at the inflation of Liberty City’s hot dog carts. We considered the rising cost of digital hooker respawns. And we realized: gamers will gladly pay $89.99 for a game if they can steal it back from a virtual old lady.”

The internet, predictably, has split into two camps:

• Camp A: “If it’s under $100, I’ll riot.”
• Camp B: “If it’s over $60, I’ll pirate it so fast the disc will spin backwards.”

Meanwhile, in a stunning display of meta-irony, fans are already selling “early access to the GTA 6 price announcement” on the stock market simulator Wall Street Bets: Los Santos Edition.

Verdict: Rockstar has finally achieved the ultimate heist: convincing players that paying $80 for a game is a bargain — especially if it means you don’t have to pay for Shark Cards… yet.