**NEWSFLASH: GAMERS COLLECTIVELY FAINT as ROCKSTAR CONFIRMS GTA 6 WILL COST "YOUR SOUL, YOUR FIRSTBORN, and a SMALL FEE of $99.99"**

NEWSFLASH: GAMERS COLLECTIVELY FAINT AS ROCKSTAR CONFIRMS GTA 6 WILL COST “YOUR SOUL, YOUR FIRSTBORN, AND A SMALL FEE OF $99.99”

LOS SANTOS (Satire) — In what historians are calling “The Great Paywall Heist of 2025,” Take-Two Interactive announced today that the standard edition of Grand Theft Auto VI will retail for a cool $99.99—a 66% increase from the standard $60 price that has held strong since the Nixon administration.

The internet, predictably, has responded with the energy of a man who just realized his 10-year wait for a sequel will now also require him to sell a kidney. The “GTA 6 $70+” discourse—memed into oblivion just months ago—has now evolved into the “GTA 6 $100+” apocalypse. Twitter users are already comparing the price point to a down payment on a used Honda Civic.

But the real irony? In a world where gamers casually spend $1,000 on microtransactions for a single FIFA squad, this $100 price tag has somehow become the final boss of fiscal responsibility. We’ve become a generation that will buy 23 different skins for a digital banana but draw the line at paying for the actual game.

“That’s just the basic edition,” said a Rockstar spokesperson, adjusting their monocle. “For an additional $49.99, we’ll consider not adding daily loading screens.”

The meme economy has already exploded, with classics like:

• “Me explaining to my wife why our rent money is now going to ‘Vice City Real Estate’.”
• “GTA 6 price drop in 10 years: $79.99.”
• The haunting image of a single $100 bill with the caption: “Your entire gaming budget for 2026