**Google I/O 2024: Where AIs Go to Die (And Also Sell You More Ads)**

Google I/O 2024: Where AIs Go To Die (and Also Sell You More Ads)

TL;DR: Google spent 2 hours showing off an AI that can summarize your emails, but accidentally also proved it can’t tell the difference between a “gluten-free recipe” and “how to dispose of a body.” YTA, Google. YTA.

The Tea: So Sundar Pichai gets on stage, does the whole “we’re being thoughtful and responsible” routine, then drops “Gemini Ultra 2.0” – which is basically ChatGPT but with 47% more buzzwords and a 100% guarantee to hallucinate your grocery list into a manifesto.

The Cringe Highlights:

• The “Assistant That Gets You” Demo: They ask it to “plan a date night.” AI suggests Taco Bell and a 3-hour deep dive into your search history. Real romantic. AITA for thinking this is just a more expensive way to get gaslit by a chatbot?
• The “Circle to Search” Update: Now you can circle anything to show ads for it. Congratulations, you’ve invented the world’s most passive-aggressive shopping list. “Hey babe, I circled your face and it says ‘Maybe try therapy?’”
• The Pixel 9 “AI Camera”: It now auto-generates a portrait of you smiling, even if you’re crying in traffic. Finally, a feature for my LinkedIn profile.
• The “Magic Eraser” for Reality: They showed off a tool that removes your ex from photos. It also accidentally removed the Eiffel Tower. Guess we’ll just assume you broke up with geography.

The Low Blow: They ended with “AI is our most profound platform shift yet.” Sir, it’s a glorified autocorrect that once told me to add cyanide to my pasta sauce. I’