BRO. Did You Guys See That? the Sun Went Dark for Like, Four Minutes Straight. AITA for Thinking the Entire Internet Was About to Collectively Lose Its Mind Over the Universe Finally Getting a Much-Needed Mute Button? Nope.

BRO. Did you guys see that? The sun went dark for like, four minutes straight. AITA for thinking the entire internet was about to collectively lose its mind over the universe finally getting a much-needed mute button? Nope.

Turns out, the big news from the Great North American Eclipse wasn’t the corona or the “path of totality” or whatever science-y mumbo jumbo NatGeo was ranting about. It was a random guy in Vermont.

This absolute legend, Dave from Burlington, used the 3 minutes of darkness to file his Tinder appeal. He claims he got unmatched during the “diamond ring” effect, which he feels is a “major red flag” for his potential partner’s commitment during apocalyptic events. He live-streamed the entire rejection. The video has 40 million views. Dave is now a folk hero.

Meanwhile, NASA is still trying to figure out why their million-dollar balloons returned data that was just 4K footage of a group of raccoons eating a discarded hot dog during the 98% obscuration.

TL;DR: Sun goes bye-bye. Humanity uses it for dating drama and raccoon content. We absolutely deserved the asteroid.