**VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET**

VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET

Bureau of Celestial Cynicism — In a stunning display of cosmic brand synergy, Monday’s total solar eclipse was officially rebranded by the internet as the “Great American Supply Chain Glitch.”

Witnesses reported millions of Americans simultaneously realizing that staring directly at the rarest celestial event of the decade was less dangerous than looking at the price of their leftover avocado toast.

The irony, of course, is rich. Humanity spent centuries fearing eclipses as omens of doom. Now, we fear them because they remind us we’re just complicated meatbags who forgot to buy ISO-certified glasses on Amazon until three days ago.

Experts confirm the moon’s shadow moving across the sun is actually a metaphor for your bank account after buying eclipse merch, a hotel room in the path of totality, and “protective eyewear” that was just two pairs of sunglasses taped together.

Final score: Universe 1, Human Hubris 0.