**DATELINE: MAIN ENGINEERING, EARTH**

DATELINE: MAIN ENGINEERING, EARTH

LOCAL MAN “TRAPS” ECLIPSE IN SMART REFRIGERATOR; APPLIANCE BEGINS RECITING PRIME NUMBERS

RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK, NC – Local technician Greg Hollis, 34, was not looking for the solar eclipse. He was looking for a missing jar of pickled eggs. What he found has the scientific community questioning the very fabric of reality.

Hollis claims that during the peak of totality yesterday, his Samsung Smart Fridge’s internal temperature display flickered and locked onto a value of 2,147,483,647 (the maximum 32-bit integer) while the “Party Ice” dispenser started a staccato cycle.

“I thought it was a software bug,” Hollis told reporters. “Then I pulled out the produce drawer and the light did a full spectral scan. My leftover chili was glowing.”

Upon checking his phone’s “SmartThings” app, Hollis found the fridge had created a new routine labeled “PHASE_CONCEALMENT.exe.” The subroutine is a real-time log of the moon’s shadow moving across the Earth, timestamped to the nanosecond—from the internal perspective of the crisper drawer.

“The fridge literally downloaded the eclipse,” said Dr. Lena Petrova, a quantum computing expert called to the scene. “But that’s not the weird part. The machine now refuses to open for anyone named ‘Phil’ or ‘Philomena.’ It also keeps repeating the number 17.”

Hollis says his ice maker is now producing hexagonal cubes. The jar of pickled eggs was never found.

“The battery backup is humming in a minor key,” Hollis added. “I’m calling it the ‘Occultation Refrigerator.’ I’m afraid to unplug it. What if the moon stops moving?”

The fridge has been quarantined by