**BREAKING: Devin Vassell Declares War on Expiration Dates** 🏀💀

BREAKING: Devin Vassell Declares War on Expiration Dates 🏀💀

San Antonio, TX – In what historians are calling the “Single Greatest Plot Twist Since the ‘Bernie Sanders Mittens’ Meme,” Spurs guard Devin Vassell has officially been trending—not for a game-winning three, but for allegedly slipping expired yogurt into Popeyes Biscuit ingredients to “test the Spurs’ conditioning staff.”

The irony? Vassell, who missed 11 games this season due to a groin strain, is now being hailed as a “chronically online hero” after a leaked group chat surfaced where he reportedly said, “If the league can extend contracts, I can extend dairy.”

The meme cycle hit terminal velocity when fans photoshopped Vassell’s face onto the “Distracted Boyfriend” meme—replacing the boyfriend with a half-eaten cup of yogurt, the girlfriend with “vibes,” and the other woman with “injury report.”

Historians note: This is the second time in NBA history a player has trended more for a food-related incident than for basketball—the first being when Shaq bought 50,000 hot dogs and blamed the smell on “team morale.”

Current status: The Spurs have issued a statement: “Devin is fine. The yogurt was fine. The internet is not.”