***OFF-the-RECORD — EYES ONLY***

OFF-THE-RECORD — EYES ONLY

DATE: [REDACTED] FROM: Deep Throat 2.0

LEAK: The Spencer Heir’s Feline Fiasco

Forget the royal rota. The real wedding of the season is happening in the shadows of Althorp, and it’s got claws.

Sources close to the estate confirm that Charles Spencer, 9th Earl Spencer, is staging a private, non-legally binding ‘blessing ceremony’ for his shock marriage to Cat Jarman, the controversial bioarchaeologist and podcast co-host.

The twist? The ceremony isn’t for the families. It’s for the cats.

I’m told the couple, who bonded over a shared love of Viking history and stray tomcats, will exchange vows in front of a menagerie of seven rescued felines. The ‘best man’ is a ginger tabby named Ragnar. The ‘flower girl’ is a calico known locally as ‘The Duchess of Mews.’

The Spencer family is reportedly seething. Diana’s brother is ‘abandoning his lineage for a litter box,’ sources hiss. But Charles is said to be thrilled, having finally found a partner who understands that his true dynasty is his rescue colony. No rings. Just collars.

This is not a wedding. It is a FUR-CROWNING.

Don’t expect an announcement from the Palace. They have no jurisdiction in the cat dimension.

#PawsForAPrince #CatWeddingGate #SpencerCatScandal

— Burn after reading. Feed the strays.