**Headline: "CAT-ASTROPHE at the ALTAR: Princess Diana's Brother Slammed for 'Woke' Animal Wedding as 'Final Nail in Decency's Coffin'"**

Headline: “CAT-ASTROPHE AT THE ALTAR: Princess Diana’s Brother Slammed for ‘Woke’ Animal Wedding as ‘Final Nail in Decency’s Coffin’”

London — In a ceremony that moral critics are calling “the most depraved display of our post-Christian age,” Charles Spencer, the 9th Earl Spencer and brother of the late Princess Diana, has reportedly officiated a full nuptial ceremony for his daughter, Lady Kitty Spencer’s cat—named Jarman—against a pet cat belonging to an unnamed guest.

Witnesses describe the scene at the Spencer family’s Althorp estate as a “sanctimonious pageant of misplaced priorities.” The feline couple was dressed in custom-tailored miniature tuxedos and a lace veil, while a vicar was allegedly paid to recite vows in Latin. Spencer, who has spoken publicly about the loss of traditional values, was seen delivering a tearful speech about “unconditional love” and “breaking the chains of species-based bigotry.”

“We have officially lost the plot,” said Dr. Helena Voss, a family-values commentator. “While children starve and marriage between man and woman is under assault, these elites mock the institution by dressing up their housepets as a ‘power couple.’ It is a direct spit in the face of every mother who raised a child to respect the sanctity of life and love. If we cannot even define marriage as between one human and one human, we are witnessing the downfall of civilization itself—one mewling vow at a time.”

Social media has erupted, with the hashtag #CatWeddingCancel trending. Critics are now calling for a boycott of the Spencer brand, labeling the event a “narcissistic fever dream” that commodifies animal consent and trivializes the emotional trauma of actual, human divorce. One user wrote: “Jarman the cat did not consent. This is animal abuse wrapped