**VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET**

VIRAL NEWS SNIPPET

BREAKING: Calvin Klein Defeats Supreme Court, Declares War on “Oversized Underwear”

NEW YORK, NY — In a landmark ruling that has sent shockwaves through the fashion world, the Supreme Court has sided with Calvin Klein in a case against… a single, rogue pair of unbranded gray sweatpants. The court decreed that any waistband that appears “too high, too loose, or lacking a visible logo” is now a federal offense.

Sources say CK executives celebrated by burning all their own cargo pants in a bonfire, chanting “Minimalism or Death.” The hashtag #FreeTheWaistband is now trending, as a coalition of vintage shoppers and thrift store owners have formed a resistance group known as “The Unbranded Underground.”

“First they came for my socks, and I did not speak out,” cried one protester, wearing three pairs of unbranded jeans. “But when they came for my dad’s 1998 gym shorts, there was no one left to model for.”

In related news, sales of elastic waistbands have plummeted 400%. Calvin Klein has not commented, but insiders say they are “very, very, very serious” about their new collection of 0.5-inch, logo-embossed, see-through underwear.

The irony? The lawsuit was filed against a man who was simply trying to celebrate Comfortable Clothes Day. He was promptly arrested for “fashionable terrorism.”

Verdict: The only thing more revealing than Calvin Klein’s new campaign? The nation’s collective misunderstanding of its own waistline.