**BREAKING: UNHINGED BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY SHAREHOLDER STORMS MEETING, CLAIMS WARREN BUFFETT IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE by AI DOLLY CLONES**

BREAKING: UNHINGED BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY SHAREHOLDER STORMS MEETING, CLAIMS WARREN BUFFETT IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY AI DOLLY CLONES

OMAHA, NE — The usually staid Berkshire Hathaway Annual Shareholders Meeting turned into a scene of utter pandemonium today when a man in a tattered, 20-year-old “Oracle of Omaha” t-shirt rushed the stage, screaming that the real Warren Buffett had been replaced by a pod person.

“That’s not him! Look at the glitch in the left eye! He’s a Dolly the Sheep clone from the Hamptons elite!” the man, later identified as local day trader “Chad ‘Diamond Hands’ McQuaid,” yelled into a live microphone. “He said ‘AVERAGE COST BASIS’ five times in a row! The real Warren would say ‘BUY AND HOLD’ and then spit out a Coke.”

The Shocking Moment: The chaos began when McQuaid, smelling faintly of ranch dressing and desperation, leapt over a barricade of shocked 80-year-old shareholders. He pointed a trembling finger at a visibly confused Vice Chairman Charlie Munger (who was, for the record, just staring at a bowl of See’s Candies). “Charlie, snap out of it! If it’s a synthetic being, blink once for GEICO, twice for Dairy Queen!”

The Aftermath: Security, a team of 80-year-old off-duty Nebraska state troopers armed with Jell-O shots and quarterly reports, eventually tackled McQuaid. As he was dragged out, he yelled over his shoulder: “THEY’RE SHORTING THE ENTIRE S&P 500 VIA A RUSSIAN SATELLITE! CHECK THE COSTUMERS FOR AIRTAGS!”