**Woke City, USA** – In a Move That Has Left Gastroenterologists Scratching Their Heads and Local Facebook Moms Clutching Their Pearls, Comedian Amy Schumer Has Been Accused of “Making Colonoscopies Political” After Revealing She Requested a *Comfort Item* During Her Latest Procedure.

Woke City, USA – In a move that has left gastroenterologists scratching their heads and local Facebook moms clutching their pearls, comedian Amy Schumer has been accused of “making colonoscopies political” after revealing she requested a comfort item during her latest procedure.

According to sources close to the prep, Schumer allegedly asked the medical staff to play a guided meditation about “decolonizing your gut” and insisted the camera scope be repurposed from a vegan-sourced material. The clinic, reportedly, complied.

Local resident Karen Peterson, 46, was furious. “My husband had a colonoscopy last year. He got a lukewarm blanket and a nurse who told him to count backward from ten. Now Amy’s in there asking for a crystal chakra alignment and a non-binary anesthesiologist? It’s basic common sense—when you’re getting a tube shoved up your rear, you don’t need a TED Talk. You need fiber and a magazine from 1995.”

Another resident, Mark Thompson, added: “She’s making a simple medical procedure into a whole performance art piece. First it was the vagina monologues, now it’s the colon soliloquies. I just want my doctor to find polyps, not find his truth.”

Schumer has yet to comment, but sources confirm her next request is for the recovery room to be stocked with gluten-free ginger ale and a signed apology from the American Colonoscopy Association for “the patriarchal history of the barium enema.”

The American Medical Association declined to comment, but one nurse was overheard muttering, “At this rate, we’ll need a consent form for the gas they pump you full of.”