**URGENT: AMY SCHUMER MUTINY**

URGENT: AMY SCHUMER MUTINY

NEW YORK, NY — A leaked internal memorandum from ViacomCBS reveals Comedian Amy Schumer has been removed from the final cut of her own upcoming special, “The Gilded Gash.” The reason, per the memo: “Zero audience laughter on three consecutive takes.” Schumer reportedly blamed the studio’s “air conditioning level on Track 4.” The special has been shelved indefinitely. Office betting pools now peg her next career move as “canceling a tour in a Medium post.”